If you design apps for a living, you know there’s a strict vetting process. Apple doesn’t just let any random developer offer their apps in the iTunes Store (especially the porn ones). They have someone go through all the submissions and filter out the inappropriate ones.
And by inappropriate, I am NOT referring to the fart apps. Yes, there are in fact dozens of iTunes Store apps created for the sole purpose of generating fart sounds. Last year, the developers of Pull My Finger and iFart got into a legal skirmish over use of the tagline “pull my finger.”
But I digress. Apple does have people going through a list of proposed apps and picking out the appropriate ones. The guy in charge of it is a man named Philip Shoemaker. Mr. Shoemaker is Apple’s App Store Director.
Hey, would you like to know a fun fact about Philip Shoemaker? He actually makes his own apps. According to Wired Magazine, Shoemaker created several iTunes Store applications through the company GrayNoodle.
If you go to GrayNoodle’s website, you’ll find a complete list of all the apps they’ve made. There’s one called MoneyTimer, which tells you if you’re wasting time and money on an event or meeting or something else. 101 Cocktails provides you with recipes for 101 of the best cocktail drinks.
My favorite app of theirs is Biz Poetry. Its official description on the website reads as follows:
This is an important tool for every meeting. Now you can look like a brainiac in any meeting. Just plug in the name of the project and give a shake. Out will fly the words of wisdom that only the smartest can understand!
In other words, it’s a way of sounding smart without actually knowing what it is you’re talking about. They also offer Med Poetry, which is the same thing except with medical terms.
But the apps that have gotten people’s attention in recent weeks are AnimalFarts and iWiz. I won’t describe either of these apps, because I’m sure you can guess what their respective functions are.
This would be silly and slightly disturbing if it was some random dude churning these out for Apple, but this is being made by a company where Apple’s head app guy works. A spokesperson for Apple claims that these apps were all approved before he joined the company, and that his background in app development was the very reason they hired him in the first place.
Wired quotes an app developer whose Me So Holy app was rejected last year as accusing Apple of hypocrisy. On the one hand, they launched a crusade to purge the App Store of porn, because parents complained it showed “objectionable material.” But some other parents could just as easily say all the farting apps contain objectionable material as well.
I guess what I’m saying is this: Apple, you put parental controls on computers for a reason. You don’t need to ban stuff from the App Store because it’s morally objectionable.
You guys removed the iMussolini app because it was, you know, full of speeches by a ruthless dictator. So by banning the porn apps, you are making scantily clad women just as bad as Mussolini.
(Not really, I just wanted to end this post dramatically.)