WARNING: this post is not for people who get disgusted easily. I would rather you not vomit whilst hovering over your computer. You have been warned.
I think it’s fair to say Japanese electronic makers are insanely perverted. I say this because there is literally no other way to explain the following:
Japanese toilets… have gone even more hi-tech with entertainment company Sega installing urine-controlled games in Tokyo urinals.
Note the phrase “urine-controlled.” Now, you may be asking yourself: what exactly does that even mean? Is my piss flow crucial to beating the game?
Yes it bloody is.
Take, for example, the game Graffiti Eraser. In order to beat it, you have to aim your natural juices at a small pressure sensor inside the urinal. Splashing Battle! compares the pressure of your urine stream to that of the people who used it before you and selects a champion based on whose was the strongest.
But perhaps the most shocking one is a game where “the strength of a urine stream determines the extent to which a virtual girl’s skirt gets blown up by a digital wind.” Hence my “pervert” theory.
Look, I hate to state the obvious, but what’s the point of jazzing up our toilets? Right now in Japan, they treat toilets the same way all of us treat cell phones. We add all these extra goodies while forgetting the fact that there’s really only one reason we use them. A cell phone and a toiletaren’t that different. One transmits our shit and other assorted waste down a series of holes and sends it to a location far away… and the other is a toilet.
I couldn’t care less if my toilet features games or ass washers or whatever. Let me just excrete at my own pace. Because if there’s one place where I can do without bells and whistles, it’s the bathroom.
Which is why this quote took me off-guard:
A Sega spokesman said the company had “no concrete plans to make them into actual products”.
Good call, Nostradamus! Nice to know you’re not planning on taking your piss games and bringing them to other platforms!